In our society, attachment is very often mistaken for love and being unattached with “having no feelings” or “not giving a fuck”, when in fact, it is quiet the opposite. We do give a lof of fucks. And we do feel a lot of things. We just think it’s wrong that love, trust or friendship has to be earned in a certain way .
Unconditional love is not attached to a special outcome (doesn’t matter if it’s friendship, romantic love, love for a job,yes, I think we should love what we do every day! or something in between) but you love for what it is right now.
If you can let go of the idea that this lover will finally make you happy, or even, that it is her or his job to make you happy (or to make you feel safe, confident…whatever it is) you create space to actually see the real her or him and to show yourself. You create space for the whole experience without having your mind going elsewhere.
Unattachment creates freedom because you make the conscious choice of sharing this moment, this period of time with another human being without setting any rule to it. Usually, when people treat you this way, you will feel seen and safe. You will be able to give and receive love freely.
So unattachment is true freedom. And it feels very good.
It doesn’t mean you do not love the country you are travelling in, the job you are doing or the person laying next to you. It doesn’t mean you cannot commit to them or will leave as soon as things “get real”. It just means that you took responsibility for your own happiness and that you know it’s not on them to make you feel good but that happiness is an inside job. YOUR job. And an interesting one on top of that, cause you will discover and learn a lot of things about yourself and maybe try exciting new things or see new places along the way !
With that said, don’t you think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world to love someone (and to be loved by someone) because of THEM and not because of what they can or cannot provide you. It doesn’t even matter if this love lasts for one night, one week or a lifetime.
Easier said then done, you can say. And it’s true. It’s a scary place to go. People can hurt you. Things can change. You might have been hurt we before. But you will always have the choice of how you react to it (this time!). Of staying or going. Of talking or saying nothing at all. Of moving to the other side of the world or finally ask for a promotion. You are safe following your heart. Sometimes, you will probably break your heart. Or break someone else’s heart. I like to believe the cracks keep it open.
I read something that really stuck with me since then: love never hurts, attachment does.
Read it again.
Like most things in life, it is a practice. A practice in becoming more mindful about our relationships and values. A practice in knowing what our needs are and how we can meet them. And finally a practice in not only trusting others to take care of our hearts, bodies and souls but knowing how to take care of ourselves if they don’t. We’re all on a journey and not everyone goes at the same pace, and that’s ok, too.
There is a lot to write about this… but if you are going to something hard right now I just wanted to say that letting go of one thing always creates space for another thing and that holding on for longer than necessary might take the energy you could use to create what you actually need right now.