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  • Writer's pictureJulie

about coming back

Updated: Jan 15, 2021

Palomino Beach in Colombia

Pristine beaches, adventures everyday and making new friends in no time – that's what everyone will rave about over and over again when it comes to travelling. and probably the reason why some uf us would like to do it forever.

You lost your job ? your ex cheated on you with your best friend ? You have no idea what to do with your life ? it doesn't matter now, you are drinking margharitas on a boat (or doing psychadelics in the jungle) and everyone else probably doesn't know what's next either – and all of this is absolutely fine.

Even if none of the above is true – you live a very different life than you probably would back home. And normally, we all have to go back there at some point. While some people are happy to escape 10 bed dorms and ants in your backpack after a while, for others it can be quiet scary.

It was for me and lots of people I met.

So you come back to a place you lived for a while, and - oh surprise - life went on without you. Suddenly, you feel like everyone is getting married, have this perfect Career, buying designer chairs for their new living room and you are just here with another gap on your CV, sleeping at a friends place and even your plants died when you were away.

Or you feel like these lifestyles wouldn't suit you at all but none of your friends or family members understands.

You have all this beautiful experiences and memories but the ones you shared them with are most probably not here with you. You're starting to feel really alone. Out of place. Like the values you had before boarding that plane deeply changed and your new ones don't fit to the place you're at anymore.

In my experience, I felt more lost in the place I called « home » than I ever did in the midst of a colombian jungle (where I was actually lost because reading maps is not my n° 1 strenght).

These feelings had nothing to do with #travelgoals and #wildandfree. Nobody tells you how you feel AFTER. I felt bored all the time. I would wake up without knowing where I was and I had the hardest time readjusting to the country I was living in and the mindset of it's people. While I felt like I could express myself freely everywhere in the world, I wasn't able to do so anymore as I came back what would let me feel trapped and uninspired.

On top of that – everyone keeps asking you „what your plans are now“ and you start catching yourself googling cheap flights to asia and looking for surf camps in Bali you could teach yoga at the next month (great if it happens for the right reason, not so great if it's about escaping yourself or your responsabilities forever, very hard to make the difference sometimes).

The thing is….I wasn't lost (and I bet you aren't either). I actually found out more about myself and what I truly want in life every time I was travelling. But living them can be a much harder game in a place where you do have a past and honestly, it can be difficult to know where to start. We are all not the best versions of ourselves acting from a place of fear.

So how do we beat this ?

Some harsher words first. It is really always you. its not about the country you're in or your hometown „being boring“ or your friends being ignorant (even if that's true –it's totally in your power to grow and move on). It's easy blaming all these things, but in the end having the privilege of being able to travel means 99% of you reading this normally have the privilege to live other dreams too. Which is a freaking fucking gift.

Manifesting our dreams is more than just wishing upon a start. Do we maybe have to go uncomfortable ways ? Question ourselves ? Work for it? Most probably yes. Is it worth it ? YES. It's even crazy magic and absolutely addictive once we started to see the results and enter this state of flow.

Only realizing this helped me to get out of this sad and moody kind of heart broken state. And trust me, it was not easy as I had to be very honest with myself, question old decisions and old versions of myself and be very, very humble.

I started to think about how I could start to „live my dreams“ (or however you want to call it) and basically be happy right where I was NOW, even when I wasn't where I wanted to be yet. I looked for solution to create a life I haven't to escape all the time. And this is true freedom for me.

Do I still wake up and doubt it sometimes ? yes . Do I wish I was sipping cuba libre on an island in panama instead of working a 10 hour shift sometimes ? hell yes I do! But I know it's worth it. Cause being „free“ is nice, but it's an inner feeling, a state of mind. And if you cannot experience it nomatter where you are … are you ever really free?

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